Market Satire Admirer Pillows

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

Czarcasm

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"A haand gel...!?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Hot cross buns

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A Gated Community.

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

Football heads...

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'