Market Satire Aficionados Pillows

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'Amy, cancel all my appointments. I have enough money.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

'He's chasing the market.'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."

'Sorry, lad, but I lost all me gold during the recession. All I can give ya is a buck thirty in change!'

"Owww!! Yes, that hurts!"

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

The City of Eden…in Fact - Martin Outside the 'Office' of Chuzzlewit & Co

the company is cutting back our team's training budget.'

Foreclosure

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"Today, the value of the Chinese Yuan dropped in relation to the chopstick, the egg roll and the fortune cookie."

'C'mon the one with the frilly knickers!'

'I won't say you're fired. Let's just say maintaining your employment status is not consistent with our long-term institutional objectives.'

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

'We're not allowed to employ bankers anymore.'

'The 12 Habits of People Just Barely Holding Their Own.'

Covid Plaster

'If things were going just a little better we could have filed for bankruptcy.'

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

"I wonder if we could allow women a greater role in religion other than as sacrifices?"

'I was a Government bureaucrat, and I showed initiative.'

"... So, let me get this straight. You're telling me that your school is downsizing and they had to make you redundant?"

'Today another financial firm went kerflooey and here with us is an expert to explain the economic impact of 'Kerflooey.''