Market Mischief Maker Gifts

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

Burnt Turkey

"Bad dog."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Have you tried hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete?'

Hallowe'en wake up call

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

Less expensive equivalent.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"Sending out 1300 redundancy notices by mistake was a bit of a blooper!"

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

'Good morning!'

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

"Do I make you nervous, young man?"

'It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. Lots of coin tossing went into it.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

The Left One As You Look At It.

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"I'd like you to supply me with a urine, faeces and sperm sample Mr Brooks."

Hackers looking to retire got welcome news this week.

One C Battery, Two Double A's.

'Our product testers aren't meant to be used that way, Sir.'

"You should embrace your mistakes..."

'What do you mean overdraft? I still have 12 cheques left. '

"The numbers just don't add up."

"The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious giggling."

"No, I'm not prescribing a plasma T. V. for you, just plasma."

Disinformation Highway.

"I'll take a look at it, but I don't know much about green cars."