Maritime Artist Gifts

"Can you get a bit off - the last three ships you did went down head first."

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

Japanese Whaling

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"Can I interest you in a great white?"

"He's a keeper!"

Selfie of the Golden Hinde

Ever Given

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

Victorian Royal Navy

Man tried to unload a ship in a bottle.

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

"May I suggest hard a-starboard, or port, or whatever!"

Lighthouse switch

"What a beautiful day to set sail!"

Noah's Arc "And that's when I realized I had two of everything I needed, right in front of me, this whole time."

Only Percy seemed happy that the Titanic was taking on water.

'Thank goodness you're here!'

Fisherman tricks a visitor into thinking a huge buoy is a fishing float for giant fish.

The Hudson River School of Art.

'We need to update our gravel, install a fake treasure chest, and get one of those lifelike scuba divers. Apparently, it's all about curb appeal.'

The synchronized shower event.

Artist - Portfolio, Starboardfolio

Angry pirate looking at angry parrot (wearing diaper) on his shoulder.

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Damn it, doesn't anybody on this ship have depth perception?"

'I'm a marine. This is our new camouflage.'

Rainbow violin surfers

"He thinks he's located a World War I torpedo boat. What's exciting at your house?"

'And remember: this isn't a submarine!'

Will you marry me?