Marital Spat Specialist Pillows

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

Diplomacy

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"All parents fight."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

When boomerangs argue.

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

"And this is my husband Dick."