Marital Misery Maven T-Shirts

"Not tonight dear, I hate you with every fibre of my being."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"You bet I'm stressed, I can't stop imagining there's a poacher hiding behind every bush..."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

Post-psychoanalysis

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Oh, grow up!"

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Mass Confucian

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

From marriage, straight to the counselor.

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'