Marital Longevity Pillows

"Lift your stems."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"You call that worrying?"

"The wattle fairy came again last night."