Marital Longevity Pillows

"Lift your stems."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

That's Seven in Human Years

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"You call that worrying?"