Marriage Longevity Pillows

"Do you realise, Bernard, that in sixty-five years you've never once called me babe?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Now that's Real TV!'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Aging Problems

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"If it's all random, why are you always here?"

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."