Mariner Gifts

Ships about to hit the fan....

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Ship sinking while worker is still painting.

'OK lads...not a word about the barista tournament. As far as our wives are concerned we've been at a rape and pillage seminar in Oslo.'

"Here's an idea, Ham, go get one of the elephants and bring it down this end."

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

"The crew is getting restless, captain."

In his later years, Redbeard's hearing was to fail him.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Yessir, that's a jellyfish. No bones about it.'

"First time shooting stars?"

'Oh yeah! I guess you think your barge doesn't stink.'

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

The Coffin Ships

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

Talking to rats - "One more crack about my seamanship and you're off the captains table."

Sailor with Frog Umbrella.

Cap'n Rehab - 'I need to get over my obssession with chasing the white whale...'

"Things got really bad when my second wife left me.." Captain Rehab

Lighthouse Hammock.

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Dinner Aboard an East-India Ship (After Cpt. Francis Marryat)

Seamans' Hospital

"We're lost again! Our GPS up there needs to be upgraded."

Old sail ship at quay, only mast showing. 'Either the tide's out or that leak's worse'

Boat hits rocks because of dim glow from low-energy lighthouse

On the bridge of navy ship,a messenger says to captain-'Captain, sonor reports that the Russian chili-freighter is dumping their cargo at a frantic rate. They also report some very impressive whale flatulence...'

"What happened to women and children first?"

"What are you yelling at me for? You're the one at the tiller."

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - 'Captain Loofah Sponge',

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'Your attention, please. The Captain has turned on the unfasten leg shackles sign. You are free to move about the cabin.'

'Welcome Aboard, Matie!'

"Will thou not sayest 'Uncle'?"