Mariner Gifts

Ships about to hit the fan....

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Ship sinking while worker is still painting.

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

"Here's an idea, Ham, go get one of the elephants and bring it down this end."

'OK lads...not a word about the barista tournament. As far as our wives are concerned we've been at a rape and pillage seminar in Oslo.'

"The crew is getting restless, captain."

'Yessir, that's a jellyfish. No bones about it.'

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

In his later years, Redbeard's hearing was to fail him.

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The Coffin Ships

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

'Oh yeah! I guess you think your barge doesn't stink.'

Dinner Aboard an East-India Ship (After Cpt. Francis Marryat)

Seamans' Hospital

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Cap'n Rehab - 'I need to get over my obssession with chasing the white whale...'

Sailor with Frog Umbrella.

"Things got really bad when my second wife left me.." Captain Rehab

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

Boat hits rocks because of dim glow from low-energy lighthouse

Old sail ship at quay, only mast showing. 'Either the tide's out or that leak's worse'

Lighthouse Hammock.

"We're lost again! Our GPS up there needs to be upgraded."

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

An upside-down cruise liner in a bottle.

"Will thou not sayest 'Uncle'?"

"Ahoy!"

"I'd kill for 500 milligrams of naproxen."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Look, salsa! This explains why the captain brought tortilla chips."

Vacant Lighthouse

"Those rocks? Oh, they're not a problem until we actually hit them."

"Back the main sheet and brace the futtocks - whatever that means."