Margarine Maverick Gifts

"I'm headed for the artificial butters. You?"

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Targets.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

Rogue elephant

'Clem,the doctor told you to get away and relax.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

'I say we try it.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

"Oops! Wrong plug."

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

Behind the cow is a manure castle. 'Yeah...It's a gift.'

"Let's all go out & get drunk."

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'