Marathon Maverick T-Shirts

'Dave dropped out. He had chest pains and trouble breathing. They think he may have competitive heart failure.'

Water station.

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"Well if you WILL insist on running marathons..."

'My feet are killing me.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'First of all, relax.'

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"I can see you're a ski newbie."

Motorcycles tied to hitching post outside a western saloon

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

100k Desert Crawl

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

'And I say he makes us look bad when he rides around listening to those books.'

Ski kicker.

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

Biker chopper shopper

Runner's High, Runner's Low

A tessellation of running figures.

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

"Would our big tacky objects look good here?"

'I wanted a little more speed. I just hope I'm not violating any laws by using a jet engine.'

"Hells Angels, Zamboni Division"

"Rum and coke...why, what do you drink on a fun run?"

'I see you decided to build your own motorcycle. By the way, did you, by any chance, fail shop class in school?'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

The Fun Run.

Former CEO - Now King of the Highway.

"Sorry, but that's a road racing bike. I'm a mountain bike specialist."

'Goopta took early retirement.'

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

'Jogger's nipple'