Manuscript Savior Gifts

"Every day, thousands of manuscripts are abandoned by the side of the road and left to perish. Won't you help?"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Proceedings of the club

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."