Mantra Misplacer Pillows

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Where's my glove?'

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

Enlightened Cursing

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

"I'll help you find your glasses after I find my horn."

Pigs - Live Laugh Lard

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

Norman's decision to raise chickens first in the back yard, then the front yard and eventually the living room would cause great dismay the day his car keys went missing.

"You know me. Never criticize,always optimize. The eternal Ms. Masking Tape."

Today is the first day of the rest of your nine lives.

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

' ... Ohm ... Ohm ... Ohm ...'

I add 1,000 steps every day just going back to my car to get the mask I was supposed to put on."

'I can't believe they're using my mantra to sell beer.'

"No Wilson, I don't want to hear your daily mantra."

"I lost my reading glasses, so pick something wordless."

"Hmm, most common places old farts leave their glasses and car keys!!"

'Lost the keys?! You IDIOT!...'

"When you've finished your affirmations, dear, don't forget to put your trousers on."

"I'm healthy. It's the wealthy and wise part that's been a challenge."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

Chicken Affirmations

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

"Okay, I've centred myself. Now what?"

'I used to take life one day at a time. Now I take it one crisis at a time.'

"I can't find my stupid phone, so leave a message..."

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

"Well, I'll be darned. They had just walked away."

'You know that rare specimen you lost - I think I've found it!'

The Tour de Pants.