Manners Guru Pillows

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

"Excuse me - I'm trying to have private conversation here!"

Checkout signs identify unhygienic handling habit.

'It's no use sulking, I only criticised the way you hold your knife and fork...'

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Fetch! What about a please?"

"Gesundheit!"

'Say, please.'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

Politeness opens doors

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'They must have really listened to their mothers about chewing their food.'

'Shake'

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"Hold that afterthought!"