Manner Master Gifts

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

Road Signs to Come. . .

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I have to get the Positive Thinker...

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

Man and brain

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

He tried to be positive, no matter the atmosphere.

'Why am I such a grouch?'

A gorilla at a cocktail party thinking to himself "Fake it 'til make it".

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

'It just needs tidying up a bit.'

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"I'm so sorry darling: the shop was out of anti-dandruff shampoo..."

A man with a look alike lion's mane hair style.

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

Human mood

Civil war, "You shoot first old boy. No, no I won't hear of it"

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

'I'm sorry, but 'irrational exuberance' is now officially considered a mood disorder.'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

Career coaching at a yoga studio

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

Chicken Affirmations

'In and out! In and out! Get it right ponies because in the real event you also have a human to look after!'

"Okay, I've centred myself. Now what?"

"You're too happy. I'm prescribing a feel-bad movie."

I think it's polite to turn off your cell phone on a date. Oh, I agree. That's actually the sound of my ankle monitor.