Manger Enthusiasts Pillows

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

Subordinate Employee

'But you said to clean my room.'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Leadership Training

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

The little engine that delegated

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You lack spontaniety."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"You realize one of us is not coming back."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"D'you have any porn porn?"