Managerial Satire Lover Pillows

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'