Managerial Jester Pillows

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'