Management Satirists Pillows

"If called upon. I can either lead or follow but my strong suit is getting out of the way."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Parade of Businessmen

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stock market investment advice

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'