Management Consultants Pillows

'That's it? That's your backup plan?'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Miss Bondwell will now illustrate us how to make boring board meetings a thing of the past.'

I got struck out when management got tired of my sports metaphors.

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Quite frankly,Jefferson, we like our people to wobble a little'

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product....'

MANAGEMENT...Many organisms respond to a lack of competition by increasing in size.

"This is our Head of Transformation and Change, Doctor Jekyll."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

British savings accounts

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."