Business Consultants Pillows

Non-Profit-Organization

'Our only hope is a merger so we can become too big to fail.'

Man asking a clairvoyant about the future.

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"It was right here where we put the entire department of steroids."

"Our greatest asset isn't financial... It's people."

"I hate performance review season."

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'But where would the IRS agent get the idea that we might be in a dummy corporation.'

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

'You can start immediately, but due to company restructuring, we'll be letting you go this afternoon.'

"The problems started when we went from here an oink, there an oink, to everywhere an oink oink."

"On the plus side, your business plan is refreshingly direct."

"Admit it, George - we didn't see this coming!"

"We could fire everyone and overhaul the company - or we could just change our name."

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'The outside accounting firm we hire is demanding to get paid in cash.'

Business plan.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I'm from the small business administration...have you ever considered franchising?"

'How's your Golden Parachute?'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"By God, we'll pull out of this mess or I'm not Otto Von Bismark."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"That's not profit that's the cost of having to turn them off."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'