Business Consultant Pillows

'Naughty, nice, nice, nice, naughty, nice. This you call a business plan?'

"We got a call about a consultant."

"The thing is, you have to really want to change."

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

'...any other business?'

Effective communications

'And now over to Mrs Miggins for our financial forecasts...'

"I'm starting a startup that helps other startups start up."

"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

We find this model works better for us!

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

The Grand Scheme.

'Let's begin our meeting. . . everybody talk, nobody listen.'

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

"We can't call it restructuring, we did that in 98' and 97',"

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

'You do as you're told, we pay as we please...That, in a nutshell, is our corporate culture.'

"As you know we've made a lot of acquisitions lately, and the last one we made seems to have resulted in us buying ourselves."

"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"

'I've analyzed, condensed and simplified the data...it was a good quarter.'

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Don't worry if you don't know the rules -- we're making it up as we go along ...'

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

Management is all about...

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

"It's time to brainstorm our mission statement...."

'Well I think we found the source of your cash flow problems, Mr. Wallis!'

'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."