Management Comedian Pillows

Above reproach.

"The boss was a teacher before he went into business."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."