Mammographer Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I'm not too sure about that.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

Men explained.

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'