Mammographer Pillows

Moo-Magrams Exams

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'I'm not too sure about that.'

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'