Mammogram Gifts

'Doctor, I think they switched my results - this letter I received says I have dense breasts, but wouldn't that mean they'd be perkier - at least above my belly button?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

German Expressionist Breakfast

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'This flower won't let go of my nose.'

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Wal-Mart Ruling

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

Kirsten Johnson

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Tragedy/Schadenfreude

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

Situation Tragedy.

A new schoolmaster testing students on geography

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'