Mammogram Gifts

'Doctor, I think they switched my results - this letter I received says I have dense breasts, but wouldn't that mean they'd be perkier - at least above my belly button?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

German Expressionist Breakfast

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

So … you do a lot of yoga?

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Wal-Mart Ruling

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'This flower won't let go of my nose.'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Batman's Baby

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

Tragedy/Schadenfreude

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

Kirsten Johnson

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

A new schoolmaster testing students on geography

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

Situation Tragedy.

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."