Magic Of Finance Gifts

Financial Wizards Hat.

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

"That was a rumor day."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Bookkeeping Club

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

Masochism for stockholders.

Canine Bank and Trust. I'd like my account to roll over. I'll go fetch it.

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

Up please...

Business Fairy Tales.

'So, does anyone else have a problem with the way I run this company?'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."