Magic Misfits T-Shirts

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'okay...where did you hide it?'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Photobooth Photobomb

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

Whatever!

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"I think we both know who did it...."

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I guess breakable things need to be more careful around me."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

Something beautiful comes out of a big mess.

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

"So nice to spend a week just ransacking with the kids."

"If that's my mom tell her I'm at recess."

Doggie Bowl Drill

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"My dad ate my homework."

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"