Romantic Misfits T-Shirts

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Whatever!

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"When you promised me a lift home...."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

'I thought you said you were taking me to Swan Lake?'

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

The Adventures of Morton

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

'I hate these romance cruises.'

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."

"How is the new hearing aid?"

All's well that ends well

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"Can't you do ANYTHING right?"

"I mean, why even live in the city if you're not going to do New York City things?"