Modern Misfit T-Shirts

"No stamp on you voice mail, Mr. Figgis."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Whatever!

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

"Just the galoshes and coat, Timmy."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

'Stan, wait!... Wrong game!'

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"I mean, why even live in the city if you're not going to do New York City things?"

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'I don't fit where I belong.'

"When I recommended you join a gym...I didn't mean as a member of the board!"

The Illiterate's Club.