Mad Dog Wrangler Pillows

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

The Baby Walker

"His real name is Major, but everyone call him GET DOWN!"

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

Tourists and their Pets.

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Don't worry. I'm using carpet shampoo.'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

The First Day Back

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

'That beagle sure is a tough case!'

Nanny with children on leash

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

Parental Training Course

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

Naughty Puppy Dog.

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

"The Day Center called. They say your little girl is resisting arrest."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey - it's part of the aging process.'

"As I see it, the issue with dog-walking services is that the pace is dictated by whoever is slowest..."