Mad Dog Wrangler Pillows

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

The Baby Walker

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

"His real name is Major, but everyone call him GET DOWN!"

Tourists and their Pets.

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Don't worry. I'm using carpet shampoo.'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

The First Day Back

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

Nanny with children on leash

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

Parental Training Course

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

Naughty Puppy Dog.

"The Day Center called. They say your little girl is resisting arrest."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

"As I see it, the issue with dog-walking services is that the pace is dictated by whoever is slowest..."

"How may times do I have to tell you to flush? Gosh, will I ever get you potty trained?!"

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.