Lyrical Lamenter Gifts

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

Lennon and McCartney.

The Hobby Store

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Another Degree and Deeper in Debt

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

'Then it's agreed. It doesn't have to rhyme.'

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

"God, I hate cows."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

Bank Student Loan Dept. You're only repaying a small fraction of your student loans? Yeah, because at this point I've forgotten almost everything I learned in college.

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

Robert Schumann

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

Throwing Away Music

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

'I think I made A Major mistake.'

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."