Luxury Life Critic Gifts

Man begs for his restaurant bill.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

Lifestyles of the hamsters of the rich and famous.

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Okay, lifestyles of the rich and famouse, start that motor and get us into some shade.'

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"You are still here."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"I have my pants put on one leg at a time."

Champagne Charlie.

The Red Carpet

"Who says the recovery has been uneven? All my funds are up!"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

'New money or old money?'

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

Pretending To Care

'Eggs Benedict. . . Aren't we feeling 1% this morning?!'

'Enough about your losing portfolio. Let me tell you about my vacation home in the Hamptons...'

"I've just come back from a break in Tuscany...I was surrounded by the beauty of nature in the raw...it really made me question what I was doing with my life. I've got the money, the big car and grand house, but is that really enough? Isn't there more?"

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

"It was a gift from god."

Important balloons, $30.

Just Married an Oil Baron

'I do like the moat.'

"If you want folks to see you're serious about carbon off-setting, plant it round the front - this is where our helipad is going!"