Luggage Whisperer Pillows

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

'Alex promised to love, honor, and fit snugly into the overhead baggage compartment.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Rising Gas Prices

Daisy Diaper Service

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"What are you in for?"

"If obsessing about trash is wrong, then. . . I don't wanna be right."

Shrimpsea welcomes car-full drivers.

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

'One ticket to wherever my luggage is going, please.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"I mean, he does have a point."

"All right. Time to grow up."

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Right little madam.

"I understand you're famous for your tantrums."

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

"Just barking will do."

Lost luggage turning up on Mars.

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

Here lays Harvey Schmidlip, perhaps best known for his invention of the speed bump.

Walking the Dog.

"You were right, Mom. The new leash has really cured her pulling problem."

Today's Topic: "The value of money" You know what they say, Frank, "money talks." Whenever my money starts to talk, I get a bill to shut it up.

"Try verbalizing it."

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"