Luck-challenged Philosopher T-Shirts

I was at the right place at the right time, but they decided to make an exception in my case.

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Et in Arcadia Ego

Free speech isn't cheap!

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"Remember that '70s TV show 'What's Happening'!? Did they ever come up with an answer?" "I don't know, but it makes me wonder if Marvin Gaye found out what's going on." "The black hole of cannabis-induced queries"

"Don't believe in labels."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Think of it as one less thing to worry about."