Low-maintenance Pet Lover Gifts

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Pick me!"

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Canine Companion

Desert Island BBQ

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"First date hairball... awkward."

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Works every time.'