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'All ready?'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Theatre Crowd

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Applause

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Suddenly, Becky noticed something which gave her pause.

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

Half time entertainment at many small clubs was a bit basic.

"This next song is for you, in the blue dress with the idiot. Yes, you ..."

"This one's for me."

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

"Do you know how to play down the road?"

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

Red Card on the Podium

Street musician: 'Opening in VEGAS next week'.

Busker ignored because of the rise of MP3 players.

'Listen It's our tune...or is it mine and Nigel's,or mine and Kevin's, or...'

"Thanks you've been a great audience, especially the guy in the third row with the great laugh."

'Cheap seats!'

Loreen-Euphoria-ESC in Baku

"A funny thing happened on my way over here..."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

'This next song is about burning bridges, and how now, I wish I hadn't.'

"Senator, we've just been advised that your car is blocking the delivery entrance to the building. Would you care to comment?"