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'All ready?'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Theatre Crowd

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Applause

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Suddenly, Becky noticed something which gave her pause.

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'What do you MEAN this IS the show?!! Let me see the tickets!'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Aye, but can you guys get 500 channels with those hooks?'

Half time entertainment at many small clubs was a bit basic.

People who enjoyed this busker also liked: Joe. 7th and Miller. Sandy. DuPont and Reed. Carl. 39th and 2nd. Thank you.

"This next song is for you, in the blue dress with the idiot. Yes, you ..."

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

"This one's for me."

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

"Do you know how to play down the road?"

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

Red Card on the Podium

Intramission

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

Street musician: 'Opening in VEGAS next week'.

Busker ignored because of the rise of MP3 players.

"Thanks you've been a great audience, especially the guy in the third row with the great laugh."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

'Listen It's our tune...or is it mine and Nigel's,or mine and Kevin's, or...'

"A funny thing happened on my way over here..."

'Cheap seats!'

Loreen-Euphoria-ESC in Baku

'This next song is about burning bridges, and how now, I wish I hadn't.'