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Big and Brassy.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Applause

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Big screen TV.

"Tong!"

"Free Bird!"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Medieval headlines.

Jim Carrey,

Suddenly, Becky noticed something which gave her pause.

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

"Unfortunately, father never quite got over being asked to reform the band for Live Aid in the '80s."

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Towny Music Night.

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

'I'd like now to do a blues number, for those of you here on Viagra. It's called - Woke up Early One Morning.'

'What do you MEAN this IS the show?!! Let me see the tickets!'

"This next song is for my ex-wife Joan."

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"Thank you, Sir."

"They're texting it in."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Peter Gabriel

Get a Life

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"This one's for me."