Lover Of Vibrant Art Pillows

Seventeenth Birthday Peacock

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

Damien Hirst Cafe

The Big Picture

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

"Bloody Graffiti."

'I've always wanted to enter the Turner Prize.' - 'Burp!' - 'Okay, great. Now I just need a title...'

'Turned out non-figurative again...'

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."

Artist in formaldehyde

Courtney Love

'This is an unpretentious little wine. Unlike the artist.'

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

'Bacon? It's more like squashed sausages!'

"You've hung this picture upside down!!"

Emin's bed, tidied up.

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Our first and only painting cost us $3.5 million!'

'Is this how you REALLY see me,Ivan?'

'We don't know what inspired the Easter Islanders, but we think their neighbours were Anthony Gormley fans.'

Minimalist Art

"It's called 'White with a hint of Magnolia"

"An eight year old could do this. . .!!"

Artist with Spot Paintings for Sale

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

'I thought it was the ultimate expression of minimalism, but it turns out the gallery's lost its funding.'