Lover Of Quirky Promises T-Shirts

Vote! Wally Yomp, Congress: 'I promise to put the toilet seat down.'

Skeleton playing fetch.

While You Were Out: We Moved!

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"The favourite practical joke amongst Big Bang theorists"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"Running of the the chickens!? This is crazy! Dad, no one celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month like this!"

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Masks to buy while buying embarrassing products.

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

Penny Farthing Tricycle

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

Having heard good things about it, Carlos decides to try the Phlegmish School of painting.

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

John Logie Baird - The inventor of Teddy

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Puppet Show from the Stocks

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

'Your marriage proposal couldn't have been any more romantic. Can we finish our first date before I give you my answer?'

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

"Wow, chocolates. How original..."

"You say you don't own a weapon...so what's with all this ammo in your closet?"

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

"The strawberry surprise may have been predictable but the real surprise comes with the bill."

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."