Lover Of Morbid Humor T-Shirts

"I dunno... there's just a stench of death about the place."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

"From this you make a living?"

Bureau of the Damned

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Well, there you go. I guess it isn't "Feed a cold, starve a fever."

'Can I get a box for this?'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Pranking Zombies

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Well, that's a helluva great business plan... What have you done before you founded a management consultancy, Mr... umh... Smith?'

Death Watch

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

Golfer in a tree.

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

The Grim Rapper

'Bad man... you're a bad man!'

"Back in 15 min."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

"I am now cutting all my rude remarks about the patient from her file."

'We've got a problem - They're starting to enjoy it.'

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

'Really? We've only been here thirty minutes? Heck, it seems like an eternity.'

"This is a Soul Card. We deduct a small monthly fee, and you get your looks back as long as there is a positive balance."