Morbid Humorist T-Shirts

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

Grave digger hammering head-stone into dead persons head

Death Watch

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Can I get a box for this?'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"I'm in a bad mood today: sit down!"

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

Preserved head and mobile phone.

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

"What can I say? Tough split."

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Death model.

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

Don't walk while cross.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

101 uses of a dead cat: toast fork

Dancing with death.

"Just a little bit off the top, please."