Lover Of Laugh Lines Mugs

"To be honest, a couple of years ago I picked an age and have stuck to it ever since."

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Clown's Comedy Fart.

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"Returns"

'Right, now learn this trick...'

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

Amy Schumer

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"I love you the way the French love Jerry Lewis."

Produce Fuji Apples. I told you that's not how "fudgey" is spelled.

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"