Literary Laugh-lover Mugs

"Alice said the bottle had 'Drink Me' on the label but the only word I can see is Gin!"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

The Farmer Sutra.

'Right, now learn this trick...'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

"Care for an oxymoron?"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Ian Fleming

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."