Lover Of Home Repair Adventures Pillows

'Rick, I think something is wrong with the septic system. The toilet is flushing kind of slowly.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

Fixing the TV.

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"Was it a fuse?"

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"The blow drier is broken."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

"They've got insulation to die for!"

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

Translating Contractor to English