Lover Of Blunt Humor Pillows

Efficiency Expert Greeting

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Operation Chrome Dome.

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

'What colour is a hiccup?'

'You had me at hell.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Home Business - Wife.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

Acupuncture.

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Giving thanks.

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

'You look lovely today.'

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

"No offense..."

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

"Phil!"

"I feel helpless."

Scruffy man on desert island has written in the sand 'Help!! Need make grooming products.'

"My Ex met his new squeeze at a wedding. . .It was our wedding!"

"I definitely said I needed a BOLD knight..."

'It's quite nice once your out.'

"Just make sure you tie it good and tight! We'll have that tooth out in no time!"

'The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...Amen.'