Lover Of Black And White Art Pillows

"Sorry I pounced on you like that in front of the board, Tom."

You're my Mona Lisa.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock Studio

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

Diego Velasquez

The Cremaster Cycle

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"Feel better, dear?"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

Jackson Pollock as a child

'I like the frame.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"