Love Tactician Gifts

'Sorry JD, there's been a takeover bid.'

'A new strategic weapon.'

Military Cupid

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Works every time."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

Dating the efficiency expert.

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

'Don't forget the plan - When he gets weak from laughing - Hit him with your left!'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

"I married for contrast."

How to feel confident in love & war

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

Cupid's Heart Dartboard

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

'I'm thinking of marrying Jim. But first, I have to engineer an introduction to him....'