Love-struck Financier Pillows

"I love it - offshore - it's such a romantic word, please say it again."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'I fall in love so fast, so I carry these flowers around all the time...'

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

"It's called investing! You give me your worm now, I eat half of it, feed the other half to the fish and, in a month, we share the fish 10/90 my way. . ."

Cupid fires an arrow into a football.

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'I'm here to test the magic 8-ball.'

'Get up before you embarrass yourself.'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

Romantic Painter

'I'm not sure we can trust these results, Miss Utley -- the diagnostic computer seems to have fallen in love with you.'

'According to my bank statement...THEY are overdrawn.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

'I can't be your Valentine right now, but I'll put your name on a waiting list.'

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

"Yes, reverend, all our stocks are faith-based.2

'The buck stops here'