Love Skeptics Anonymous Pillows

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Yes, but.