Love Of The Absurd T-Shirts

"How come we never sleep at my place?"

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Breakfast surreal.

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Operation.

UFO and snowman

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Magnet at scrapyard

The Bonvoy Age...

The Hypnotato,

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

Trapeze artists commuting

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'